brittney nicole winters

i wonder if i can get away with wearing my pajamas into work by saying it’s my costume…

guess which girl has to work until close tonight? and oh yeah, you can wear a costume except guess who doesn’t have one?

hint: every answer is me.

dear alex from baylor,

you’re really cute, even in sweatpants. i dug your fauxhawk. good luck with your tv audition. come visit me at work again. y’know, whenever you’re in the bay area. on vacation from texas.

you probably don’t even remember me,
brittney from jamba juice who convinced you to get the grains and greens wrap

“your car smells like crayons.”

and it got me thinking as to how i would answer if asked again. i’ve come up with some responses for next time:

• popcorn
• balloons
• bubble wrap
• gum

because it was a serious question. and i need to be prepared.

so i was having a ton of trouble deciding on a halloween costume for this dead bodies bash in the city, but now that the bridge is broken, all problems are solved! i love when things work themselves out so nicely.

sucks to be you, san franciscans!

while hating on “god” for making calendars so complicated and why not just give each day a number out of 365 instead of involving these months, i reminded sara that it wasn’t “god,” it was the aztecs. or the mayans.

after questioning the existence of these ancient people, i reminded sara that yes, unlike swine flu, these south american peoples did really exist at some point in time and “thank the aztecs” she didn’t get it from a guy she politely declined.

anyway, we decided that we’ll sweep the nation with our new phrase (see: “thank the aztecs”). it’s been decided that i’ll get the “random midwest states” and sara “sarah beth” johnson will get the farmers, since she basically is one. sorry, new englanders, but we think you’re too snobby to catch on, so we’re not even going to try on you.

mexicans love the aztecs, and kessler will get the canadians, while they’re so cool crossing the border, eh?

dana carvey is our aztec king, while drake will rule over the mayans. and of course we can’t forget justin bieber, our little myan prince.

but i digress, the whole point is that everyone would be so confused if we just numbered each day without months as the year’s subtitles.

so thank the aztecs for that.

• dogs like to eat elephants
• dogs like to eat shoes
• dogs like to eat fingers
• dogs don’t like to eat donuts
• dogs like to eat lions

supposedly, scientists came up with this word.

maybe they were hungry?

dear microsoft,

did you really cancel your windows 7 episode of family guy because it was titled “holocaust incest tampon”? is that really what made you decide that family guy wasn’t the most sensible medium to advertise your newest product?

i realize the show’s title, family guy may give you a false sense of wholesomeness, but seriously? weirdos.

that’s all,
brittney “seth macfarlane” winters

when i wake up in the morning, the whole world is going to be in on the musical of my life.

everyone, make sure you learn your vocals and choreography. it’s the real thing.

i tend to like the clothes in the men’s section more.

his name is officially bowie. as in david.

let’s dance.