brittney nicole winters

1. i do mazes from finish to start. everytime. it’s easier.
2. i’m a little obsessed with conspiracy theories and urban legends.
3. i have never thrown away a car freshener. new ones simply get added to the massive smellfest attached to my rearview mirror.
4. i can say the alphabet backwards faster than most people can say it forwards.
5. i never fall asleep on my back with my hands positioned in some way on my torso; i’m paranoid i’ll die in my sleep since that’s how people look in caskets.
6. i prefer to drink all beverages through straws. simple.
7. i prefer to read news articles and magazine stories in a question and answer format. otherwise i get lost in the text. with q&a i can find what i’m looking for and it keeps the story in neat little chunks that are much easier to pay attention to than long paragraphs.
8. i hate when people use the wrong word when they clearly mean something else. for example, “conscientious” in place of “conscious.” however, i frequently make up my own words when real words aren’t sufficient.
9. i make lists. of everything. if it’s not obvious already. just to name a few: books to read, celebrity crushes, things to look up, movies to rent, places to go, songs to download, websites…it goes on.
10. i hate meeting people places and getting there first. when i have to wait for someone, i get impatient and find all possible means of entrance, which i watch vigilantly for minutes that seem like hours until i break down and call them. which results in them getting upset with me because they just got there.
11. when i was a kid, i never put a hand or head too close to someone’s chest because i was scared i would hear their heart stop beating. i’m still that paranoid.
12. play a song for me and i probably know what it’s called, who sings it, and every word of it.
13. i view my life in terms of cinematography. music is my soundtrack. places are soundstages. people are actors. if reality doesn’t work for the scene, i imagine it as something different.
14. i am a creature of habit to the point of obsessiveness. if i like it, it’ll be here a while. most likely a very long while.
15. yellow tulips. never roses.
16. i have slept with earplugs. every night. for the past 6 years.
17. i read most things (aside from books) from back to front. this includes, but is not limited to, magazines, journals, blogs, lists, etc.
18. i have a terrible concept of time. i am either 30 minutes early or 20 minutes late. this is due to the fact that i either over- or underestimate the amount of time it takes to get ready, drive somewhere, etc.

mercury is in retrograde in taurus. sick!

i’m not drinking. that’s right friends, i will gladly be your designated driver.

…what?

if you can (proverbially) kill two birds with one stone, do it. and don’t procrastinate…much.

i am at bloomingdales with my mom and my grandmother. i am trying on shoes, waiting for the woman to bring back my size, when all of a sudden my leg starts bleeding. of course the first thing i do is ask my mother for a band aid.

“no, do you have one?” she turns and asks my grandmother.

and of course, my grandma, being the jokester that she is, says nothing, but simply removes a tampon from her purse, claiming it to be the “next best thing.”

i am mortified, but choose to use the item rather than let my bloody leg make a mess in the mall.

i can’t even imagine the party freud would have with that one…

the less patience you have, the greater your need for instant gratification. instead of giving up, just lie to yourself and pretend you’ve already gotten what you wanted.

dear sushi ray,

isn’t sushi supposed to be a small meal? do you not realize that when people go for sushi, they expect a nice little roll with a bit of fish and veggies inside? not a five course meal packed into a seaweed wrap topped with amazing, tasty, abundant goodness. (because dictionary.com defines sushi as “cold cooked rice dressed with vinegar that is shaped into bite-sized pieces and topped with raw or cooked fish, or formed into a roll with fish, egg, or vegetables and wrapped in seaweed”-last i heard, deep fried conch is not any of those things).

oh, and the tuna tower? that is not an appetizer. that’s a meal and a half. please stop tempting me with your glorious deliciousness. or change your name to “sushi, but not really sushi, ray.”

thank you ever so much,
b.wintz

p.s. this isn’t an attack on your food or a criticism of its tastiness. i just think it’s a bit silly.