July 2009
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“i’m around a bunch of girls all day who cry because they lost their...”
– pc; nyc prep.
i just went through all the books on my bookshelves and picked out all the ones i haven’t read yet. these are my mission for summer:
gargoyles-thomas bernhard
practical demonkeeping-christopher moore
bloodsucking fiends-christopher moore
bombshell-lynda curnyn
20 times a lady-karyn bosnak
middlesex-jeffrey eugenides
the book of bright ideas-sandra king
the secret life of bees-sue...
“if you’re going to remember anything from your past, then do so fondly...”
– grandpa; 20 times a lady.
and then she spit her milk all over the floor
nina: you're so lucky mom's here.
me: why? because you would hurt me?
June 2009
mom: i was pretty right on with your first initial...
me: n? nasty?
me: oh wait, you didn't say my middle initial.
mom: no. b-
me: bitch nasty.
me: bitch nasty winters. i like it.
“me and my brother, we were born. like, everyone was born, but we were born at...”
– emmett
megan: where are you going next year?
emmett: lynn, i have a facebook. add me, i'll definitely accept your friend request.
megan: i don't even know your name.
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summer oh nine lesson nineteen:
contrary to lesson eleven, it’s okay to break the rules.
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3 days till orlando 9 days till california 11 days till camping 29 days till hawaii 50 days till college
this is all coming a bit too quickly.
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dear credit,
how am i expected to get any of you if i’m always denied a credit card? obviously i don’t have credit if it’s my first time applying for a credit card. but don’t i need one to establish credit for myself? am i crazy? is there something i’m missing? i just want to be as irresponsible as the rest of the world with my money and spend spend spend!
gimme one...
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just something i was thinking in the car
if it’s a thought; if it’s love; if it’s religion; if it’s just something you feel passionately about, you feel ten time stronger about it after someone tries to knock it down.
you feel a hundred times stronger about it after no one sympathizes, agrees, or reciprocates your emotion, feeling, or belief.
you feel a thousand times stronger about it once you realize that...
overheard outside the bank
man: that tasted like carbonated cough syrup.
woman: i've never tried a red bull before, let's see if i get high!
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summer oh nine lesson eighteen:
if you thought things couldn’t get any better, you were right. they can only get worse. and they will.
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useless fact #23:
i don’t appreciate being underappreciated.
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i like you by sandol stoddard warburg
i like you and i know why. i like you because you are a good person to like. i like you because when i tell you something special, you know it’s special and you remember it a long, long time. you say, remember when you told me something special and both of us remember
when i think something is important you think it’s important too we have good ideas when i say something funny, you...
billy mays...
seriously?
useless fact #22:
if the chance should present itself that someone is dumb enough to buy my bullshit, i will feed it to them, happily.
overheard in the ticket line at the movies
girl 1: ..sarasota, by canada.
girl 2: sarasota's in florida!
girl 1: no, i mean sarasota the state!
girl 2: you mean minnesota?
girl 1: oh, yeah...right.
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summer oh nine lesson seventeen:
if the book made you cry, the movie will make you cry ten times harder.
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drumroll please
the zero play count playlist is officially empty. i’m not sure if i like this or not.
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jonah: what did you people do with the dog?
frank: we put him in the oven. it was the only thing to do.
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“he told me there was a live chicken in the hatbox. the chicken was quiet, he...”
– cat’s cradle
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jonah: a minute ago you said something about jesus.
castle: who?
Jonah: jesus christ.
castle: oh. him. people have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working oder, so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.
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two things i learned from drink play f@#k
most people just want to live a fun life. if they have a chance to do it again, they prefer to live an interesting life. and if they get a final crack at it, they choose to live a good life. why not do all three at once?
being lucky is such a fickle concept. you grasp on to it during good times and then lament its absence when things go south. if you’re too convinced that you’ve been...
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“can you imagine how popular this place would be if going outside didn’t...”
– “bob” of drink play f@#k, on the city of las vegas.
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jonah: this is what i'd call a hotel with a real heart. how many hotel owners would take such a direct interest in the comfort of a guest?
castle: how many hotel owners have just one guest?
jonah: you used to have three.
castle: those were the days.
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does anyone know of a place hiring dogs as labor? because mine’s a little short on cash and he owes me three new pairs of shoes. not only rainbows, but vans and running shoes. my most popular footwear. ruined.
and i know that american businesses, despite our current economic crisis, still aren’t accepting kibble as a form of currency.
