there needs to be some way to experience, even if just on a piece of paper, what a prospective major might feel like: concepts and ideas learned, possible career tracks, what you really have to do for the major.
this isn’t me complaining about being an english major whatsoever. this is me wishing i had known more about the difference between psychology and sociology back when i was just picking a major. if i could go back, i would probably have chosen to major in sociology rather than creative writing and minor in english instead. right now it’s the opposite. which i’m fine with at this point. i’m not trying to stay in undergrad for another 2-3 years just to get a completely new degree.
graduate school is coming up, i’ve got about a year and a half left before graduation, and then i’ve got to make a decision on where i want to be for the next 2-ish years and what i want to focus on. i’m really heavily considering getting a masters in sociology (i was previously thinking about advertising), but i don’t know how that looks on paper, to have a degree in creative writing with a minor in sociology plus a masters in sociology? does that look weird? does it look like i have any idea where i’m going with my life? does it show that i’m indecisive but also decisive since i took the initiative to really go in-depth into a new field?
i can’t get enough of my sociology classes. these readings are actually fun; i can’t think of another social science class that ever made me want to read more and learn more and use those readings and learnings to understand more about my own interactions and how society works as a whole.
basically, sociology has the same effect on me that the writing center does. maybe i need to figure out a way to combine both of those parts of my life…
- i’m not a mermaid. i’ll never be a mermaid no matter how hard i try.
- i was never a child star. after i saw cheaper by the dozen i cried myself to sleep for a week because i was so jealous of all the fun they must have had making the movie.
- i don’t work at disney. i need to work at disney. i just want the costume and the fame and the magic.
- i’m not a real princess. i want to live in a castle and have gold everything and sparkly shoes and a garden better than versailles.
- i’m still in college and not in the real world. i need to graduate already so i can start real life and not have school on the front burner all the time. i want to have a real job and disposable income and i want to go on cheap trips to anywhere i can think of. i want maps stuffing my glove compartment to capacity with circled cities and wishes for adventure.
- i don’t have an accent and unless i fake it until i make it (which would be awful and annoying and obviously unauthentic) i never will.
- i don’t live on an island and i don’t have 24/7 access to water/the beach.
it all makes me sad but happy and hopeful at the same time. even though the mermaid thing will (most likely) never happen, i know the rest are all possible. okay, maybe not the child star thing either, but a girl can dream, right?
i just woke up at my dad’s house. i panicked for about 5 seconds when i saw it was light out—i thought it was already noon. i looked at the clock and it was only 8. cool that i got six hours of sleep and somehow can’t get myself to fall back asleep.
anyway, all of a sudden i realized that i have to go back to mills today. that’s literally the last thing i want to do right now. it only took four days for me to transition from college student to college student on break, and i’m still in the mindset of that girl temporarily without responsibilities.
eight days until instruction ends. so in reality, this means four days left of classes. sixteen days until i have to be out of my room. sixteen. in basically two weeks i’ll be done at mills forever.
as much as i loved mills when i got there—i really did, it’s a beautiful campus with so much to offer—i’ve started to feel short-changed. i need a bigger campus with more people and more activity. mills on the weekend is a ghost town. i’d be lucky to see maybe more than one person if i walked across campus. that’s not college, it’s just depressing.
the only things keeping me from the end of this semester are my final book arts project, my last literature essay—of which i already drafted—my chapbook (needs to be printed and bound), and a three hour women’s studies final exam on the fourteenth.
four things to get through. sixteen days to get through them.
let’s do this.
i am the queen of bullshitting.
