- i’m not a mermaid. i’ll never be a mermaid no matter how hard i try.
- i was never a child star. after i saw cheaper by the dozen i cried myself to sleep for a week because i was so jealous of all the fun they must have had making the movie.
- i don’t work at disney. i need to work at disney. i just want the costume and the fame and the magic.
- i’m not a real princess. i want to live in a castle and have gold everything and sparkly shoes and a garden better than versailles.
- i’m still in college and not in the real world. i need to graduate already so i can start real life and not have school on the front burner all the time. i want to have a real job and disposable income and i want to go on cheap trips to anywhere i can think of. i want maps stuffing my glove compartment to capacity with circled cities and wishes for adventure.
- i don’t have an accent and unless i fake it until i make it (which would be awful and annoying and obviously unauthentic) i never will.
- i don’t live on an island and i don’t have 24/7 access to water/the beach.
it all makes me sad but happy and hopeful at the same time. even though the mermaid thing will (most likely) never happen, i know the rest are all possible. okay, maybe not the child star thing either, but a girl can dream, right?
- i’m in high school, and my friends are all going on a school-sponsored trip to the keys, so i decide to go.
- i start packing, and then throw my bag into a corner in my room and forget about it.
- we go to this warehouse that x-rays our bags and has restaurants and is a mall, apparently. i have my bag now.
- i put my bag down because i think i’m going to be walking through water and i don’t want to get it wet.
- i don’t go through water, just security.
- everyone gets on the bus, but i have to go back to my bag. everyone—every single person—now hates me.
- when i get back to get my bag, the people working at the mall/hotel/security area say “are you the princess? did you lose your bag?” to which i reply “yes i did, thank you.”
- they make me write down how to spell “pernicious.” literally.
- after i prove that i can spell, they give me my bag and i rush through security, probably putting my bag in the wrong area where it won’t end up where i do, but instead with some other random student from another random school.
- i get on the bus and we end up at some other warehouse type place.
- my friends are attempting to get alcoholic drinks, to which i say “i always thought the keys were another country” like a dumb bitch.
- i walk through a cubicle area of the warehouse where there’s a wooden dining table set up, and as i run through the area, i knock the table over and keep running anyway.
- someone’s mom makes me put it back to the way it was before.
and now i’m awake and am not even going to try to analyze that.
